


If Walls Could Talk

by getwaytooinvolved



Category: Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: F/M, Kinda?, Slow Burn, Smut, caught masturbating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-17 05:39:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17554421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/getwaytooinvolved/pseuds/getwaytooinvolved
Summary: “You know, I’ve also masturbated thinking about you before”You could clearly feel him tensing in your arms. The mere thought of you touching yourself had his cock twitching in his jeans. “But I didn’t catch you” He argued.“Give me five minutes and I’ll let you catch me”***********Based on a prompt request on Tumblr about catching Shawn masturbating.[COMPLETED]





	1. Part 1

You and your roommate had gone through a lot of awkward situations before- walking in on the other stepping completely naked out of the shower, seeing the other do the walk of shame or politely kick their one night stand out in the morning. But never before had you walked in on Shawn jerking off. And, to add to it, finding yourself unable to move, eyes shocked as you took in the situation in front of you.

He was half sitting, half laying on the couch with his feet on the table in front of it, jeans and boxers shoved down just enough to free his hard dick and his legs spread wide open. Eyes closed, his hand slowly moved up and down his length like he was just teasing himself a little, though his tip was deep red and leaking already.

Lightly biting down on his bottom lip, he brushed his thumb over the tip, his mouth falling open in a gasp followed by your name, your eyes widening.

“Fuck, baby,” he sighed and arched his back slightly, your name leaving his lips once again, this time in a soft moan. His eyes fluttered open and caught you standing in the doorway before you could even react, his eyes widening and his hands quickly trying to shield himself, though you had already left the room, your cheeks burning red with embarrassment.

 

* * *

 

Your eyes squeezed shut for a moment at the soft knock on your door before it opened, Shawn standing in the doorway with his hands pushed deeply into the pockets of his jeans and an apologizing look in his eyes.

“Can we talk for a second?” he asked, his voice low and unsure, almost hesitant. He slowly walked further into the room after you nodded, sitting down at the very edge of the bed and nervously playing with his fingers.

“Listen, Shawn. I’m sorry.”

“No, I shouldn’t have… Done that in the living room. It was my own fault for thinking that you’d be gone for a little longer,” he sighed and shook his head, running his hands through his hair and ruffling it, “it’s not your fault.”

But it was your fault, you knew that. It was your fault for staying and watching instead of leaving like any other human being with a working brain would’ve done.

“Uh- just to make this situation more uncomfortable… how much did you see? Or hear?” he asked hesitantly, his cheeks already blushing before he even heard your answer.

“I- more than enough,” you confessed, your heart pounding at the memory of him quietly moaning your name. His eyes squeezed shut with a low muttered  _‘fuck’_ , his face burying into his hands. “Shawn…”

“This isn’t something we can just move past, is it?” he asked, not looking up to you yet. Instead he kept his gaze locked on his knees, still holding his head in his hands and tugging at his dark curls. He slowly shook his head. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. You really weren’t supposed to find out this way.” And with that he got up and left the room, leaving nothing but silence behind.

 

* * *

 

He was sitting on his bed, leaning against the headboard with his legs pulled up to his chest, his cheeks tear stained and eyes glassy and red. He gave you a weak smile when you slowly stepped into his room, quickly brushing the tears away with the back of his hands while you wordlessly crawled onto the bed and sat cross-legged in front of him. “Hey,” he whispered, his voice raspy and on the edge of breaking.

“Hi,” you whispered and laid your head down on top of his knees, something he always did when he found you crying like this. Gently brushing your hair aside so it wouldn’t fall into your face, he leaned his forehead against the side of your head and closed his eyes, forcing himself not to be too relieved that you had come back. You could’ve also come to tell him that you would move out. “Did you at least wash your hands before you touched my hair right there?”

His chuckle was teary as he nodded. “Of course.”

He lifted his head as you moved yours away, smiling as you laid down on his bed and held your arms open, wordlessly inviting him to join you- which he gladly did. His head landed in the crook of your neck as his tall body cuddled into your much smaller one, feeling you place a gentle kiss on the top of his head. “Are we okay?”

He inhaled deeply and tightened his arms around you, slightly shrugging. “You tell me. You just caught me masturbating to the thought of you.”

You giggled softly, your hands combing through his hair and pushing it back in a way that you knew would look ridiculous when he looked at you again. “You know, I’ve also masturbated thinking about you before.”

You could clearly feel him tensing in your arms. The mere thought of you touching yourself had his cock twitching in his jeans. “But I didn’t catch you.” he argued.

“Give me five minutes and I’ll let you catch me.”

You could feel him grin against your neck before he shifted to look at you, no more tears visible. “Did you really?” he asked very softly. You nodded, seeing his eyes quickly moving down to your lips. “What did you think about?” he whispered, his hand sliding a little lower on your back and making you squirm slightly in his arms.

“Honey, your eyes are still red from crying and now you’re trying to dirty talk with me?” you giggled, an immediate pout appearing on his lips.

“Alright, how about this- next time you’re trying to get off and find yourself thinking about me… feel free to let me know. Maybe I can help you out a little.”


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, seeing as I hadn't really expected that this would turn into an actual series I wrote part 2 based on another prompt request I got- which is why it's so short. Future chapters will be longer than this, promise!

“Let me take you out.”

That was the sentence that had started a way too long discussion of different restaurants you could go to before you were finally able to settle on one.

His hand was placed on your lower back as you made the short way from the parking lot to the restaurant, his soft chuckle reaching you. “Does your ass even fit in those jeans?” he asked amused, his gaze on your butt as you turned to look at him. You had thrown on your tightest pair of jeans combined with your favorite top that hugged all of your curves just perfectly.

“Excuse me, could you maybe not stare at my ass, sir,” you sassed back, his head tilting back as he laughed loudly- and looking way too adorable- before he held the door open for you.

Dinner was great. You always had an incredible time hanging out with Shawn, the two of you having gotten along ever since the day you moved in with him. You had even quickly moved past the whole walking in on him situation, the two of you silently having agreed to just pretend like it had never happened. But you hadn’t forgotten about it. And you were thinking about it a lot.

He leaned back against his chair with a soft smile, his hair ruffled from having pushed his hand through it over and over again. “You look beautiful, honey,” he told you, his cheeks holding their usual rosy tinge as he looked at you from across the table. You knew this wasn’t a normal dinner between friends for him. It wasn’t for you either.

“You know I love that color on you,” you responded, the grin that spread over his cheeks clearly showing that he was aware of that fact. He noticed how you checked him out every time he wore that color and he hadn’t needed long to catch on. And maybe he sometimes bought a T-shirt or hoodie simply because of the color and not specifically because he liked it that much. Maybe he had made it a habit of wearing that color to every of your infamous movie nights because he knew that you would be extra cuddly. Maybe. 

Your voice pulled him back into reality. “You know…” you trailed off and lightly bit your bottom lip in a way that made his throat feel dry all of a sudden. “I’ve been thinking about what you said,” you started, your voice low and… sultry? His eyebrows raised as he looked at you with wide eyes, desperately trying to remember what he had told you. His eyes were close to popping out of his head when he felt your foot on his shin, slowly trailing up and making him feel hot all over. “You know, when you said that you might be able to help me out if I ever find myself thinking about you?” you added, knowing that he had caught on by the way he swallowed heavily.

“Have you?” he murmured, his fingers twitching before they clenched into fists as your toes slowly, like you had all the time in the world, moved higher up, teasing along the inside of his thigh.

“Thought about you?” you asked, his jaw clenching and his eyelids fluttering as you finally reached his crotch where your toes slowly curled around the outline of his rapidly hardening cock. You grinned, watching how he visibly struggled to hold back any kind of sounds. “Been thinking about you a lot, Shawn,” you whispered, his head tilting back as he stared up at the ceiling, Adam’s Apple bobbing as he gulped.

A low and strangled sound rumbled in his chest as you applied a bit of pressure to his crotch. “Do you have to do this now?” His question ended on a moan as you repeated the motion. “Honey, please. I’m begging you.”

Raising an eyebrow, you looked at him with amusement written in your eyes. “Tell you what,” you eased up, a shaky breath escaping his parted lips, “I’ll be a good girl if you get the check and take me home.” You smiled, leaning in closer to him. “Show me why every single girl you’ve ever brought home ends up screaming your name like it’s the only word she knows.”


	3. Part 3

Your giggles filled the quiet bedroom as you landed flat on your back on his bed, bouncing on the mattress for a moment while his scent that lingered in the sheets completely surrounded you. He joined you just a second later, crawling over you with a smirk on his lips and his hands bracing beside your head.

Reaching up, you tangled a hand into his hair and gently scratched the back of his head while pulling him down, not taking notice of how he hesitated for just a split second before he closed the gap between you. The first touch of your lips against his had his heart racing in his chest, sharply exhaling through his nose before he moved a hand to cup the side of your face.

He slowly shifted to stretch out beside you without disconnecting your lips, propped up on an arm so he was leaning over you. One of your hands placed on the back of his neck while the other eagerly explored his chest and defined abs over his shirt, his palm slowly tracing down your side to the hem of your top.

You parted your lips against his as his fingers snuck underneath your top, his tongue immediately licking into your mouth while his fingertips caressed over your bare waist and stomach. Turning to lay on your side, you smiled into the kiss as he immediately pulled you closer. “Come on, homeboy. Show me,” you mumbled between kisses, your eyes opening when he broke away from you with a chuckle.

“Okay, first of all, don’t call me homeboy,” he grinned and shook his head at you, his fingers lightly tickling your skin.

Instead of replying you shifted to straddle his lap, his dark eyes looking up to you in surprise while his hands settled around your hips. He felt himself crumbling beneath you as you leaned down to kiss over his neck, his walls slowly breaking down with every new kiss you placed on his skin. His thumbs slightly pushed under the waistband of your jeans while he relaxed beneath you, his head tilting back and his eyes closing. It was only when he felt your gentle teeth nipping at his skin that he forced himself to get a grip.

You made a sound of surprise as he swiftly flipped you so he was on top of you, a grin spreading over your lips while you loosely wrapped your arms around his neck. He looked down on you with fond eyes, his hand gently brushing your hair aside before he traced his knuckles down your cheek. “I won’t sleep with you. Not tonight,” he whispered and could immediately see how your eyes widened.

You slowly let go of him, though he didn’t move away from his spot right on top of you. “Did I do something wrong?” you asked quietly, hurt clear in your voice.

“God, honey. No,” he sighed and brushed his hand through your hair again. “But you’ve been drinking and I won’t take advantage of you like that,” he explained, giving you a smile that only calmed you a little.

Eyebrows raising, you silently stared up to him with pure confusion written on your features. “I had two glasses of wine,” you reminded him.

“Yeah,  _wine_. You and I both know what wine does to you,” he chuckled and pushed himself up to sit against the headboard instead.

Biting your bottom lip, you also sat up and shifted so you faced him, your hand placing high on his thigh. You had to hold back a grin as you noticed how he swallowed heavily and looked down on your hand for a moment. “I know what I’m doing, Shawn.”

Peeling your hand off his leg, he laced his fingers through yours and brought your hand up to place soft kisses over your knuckles. “Can I remind you of the last time you had a bit of wine and promptly tried to get laid? By trying to seduce my cousin in a room full of people?”

He laughed when you groaned and pulled your hand out of his while dramatically letting yourself fall back so you laid flat on your back again, your legs stretching out and resting over his thighs. “You promised we would never talk about that again!”

“I just need to prove a point here. I’m sorry,” he giggled and lightly patted your knee.

He started to rub his hand over your leg in an almost comforting touch while you stared up at the ceiling and contemplated your next words. Sighing softly, you moved around until your head rested on his lap, looking up to him. “Can I at least sleep here tonight? Is that okay?” you asked quietly, scared of being rejected again.

He smiled widely and couldn’t stop himself from playing with your hair again. “I’d love that, honey.”


	4. Part 4

He stepped into the apartment with a soft sigh and felt his mood drop a little more when he was greeted by darkness and silence. He had hoped that you would be home already- he hated this place without your presence. Especially after the morning you had spent together.

Waking up next to you had been way too nice, in fact so nice that neither of you had managed to get up until the very last second. The feeling of your soft body wrapped up in his arms and your warm lips leaving little kisses over his chest and shoulders had been so tempting to just skip lectures and stay in bed with you all day long. But you had eventually gotten up and rushed to get ready. Both of you had left the apartment that morning with burned tongues from drinking the coffee too quickly.

Running a hand through his hair, he was about to toe his shoes off when he first heard it. Stopping all movements, he held his breath and waited to hear it again. A quiet whimper. Immediate panic spread through his chest as he quietly placed his bag on the ground and stepped further down the hallway, by now having noticed the light coming from your room.

“Oh,  _fuck.”_

His eyes widened as your breathy moan reached him, stopping in his steps and holding his breath again as he tried to figure out what he should do next. Your door was open enough that he couldn’t walk past and not see into it. There was no way he could get to his room without either you noticing him or him catching a glimpse. It was almost like you wanted to be seen.

_Give me five minutes and I’ll let you catch me._

_Next time you’re trying to get off and find yourself thinking about me, feel free to let me know. Maybe I can help you out a little._

The words were still clear in his memory and he couldn’t stop his feet from moving, his heart racing in his chest as he caught sight of you. His hand pushed the door further open as he took you in, the way you were laid out on your bed, your legs spread open and angled up with your hand working under your panties, the other shoved under your T-shirt where it rested on your chest. He couldn’t stop himself from grinning. The look in your eyes and the fact that you didn’t stop or shy away made it so clear that you had been waiting for him and that you heard him come home.

“Hi, Shawn,” you mumbled followed by a quiet moan, your head pushing back against the pillows and your hips rocking up into your hand. His throat felt dry as he watched you for a few seconds before toed his shoes off and slowly stepped further into your room.

Your eyes found his as he stopped at the foot of your bed, your eyebrows raising as you silently challenged him to come closer. He hesitated for a second before he took his T-shirt off, carelessly tossing it aside while he crawled onto your bed. He didn’t even think about sitting down somewhere beside you, his body automatically moving between your legs where he sat down on his heels, so close that your hand hidden under your panties almost brushed his crotch while he leaned down to place a soft kiss on your knee.

His hands explored your thighs for several moments before they settled around your waist where your T-shirt had moved up, his thumbs brushing over your bare skin while he leaned over you. “Hey,” he whispered right before he captured your lips in a tender kiss. Your hand pulled out from under your T-shirt to place on the side of his face instead as he didn’t hesitate to deepen the kiss, his tongue sinfully exploring your mouth before he pulled away again. Your whimper of protest was ignored as he shifted down your body instead, leaving soft and wet kisses over your stomach while his hands slowly trailed up your sides, pushing the T-shirt higher up in the process.

Your back arched off the bed to make it easier for him, your eyes closing as you completely concentrated on his touches- the motions of your finger on your clit having slowed down. You gasped his name as his thumbs immediately covered your nipples as soon as your breasts were exposed, his mouth following just a moment later. Your hand moved to tangle into his hair, your fingers tugging on the soft strands while he devoured your chest like no one else had ever done before. It was like he knew exactly where to touch and how to lick to have you trembling beneath him.

You were so concentrated on his mouth that you almost didn’t notice his fingers slowly tracing down your stomach, lightly trailing along the waistband of your panties before his hand slid beneath. You didn’t remove your hand, wanting to see if he would push you away. You felt him grin against your chest when he noticed that you didn’t make room for him, his teeth gently nibbling and pulling a gasp from you that turned into a loud moan as two of his long and thick fingers pushed into you, immediately curling and searching for the spot that would make you beg for more. “Holy-  _Shawn,”_  your body jerked, your chest arching and pushing harder against his mouth.

You allowed him to pull your hand out of your panties, his thumb replacing your fingers and rubbing quick circles over your clit while he guided your hand up. Your lips parted as you watched how he wrapped his lips around your fingers, a deep groan rumbling in his chest as he licked your juices off your skin and his eyes closing as your sweet taste spread over his tongue. You were squirming beneath him, your hips bucking to grind against his hand when he opened his eyes again and released your fingers once he was sure that he had gotten every drop. “God, baby,” he sighed and placed a soft kiss on your palm.

You whined in protest when he pulled his hand back, his eyes blown wide with lust while he quickly tugged your T-shirt up over your head and tossed it aside before he reached for your panties, leaving you laying completely naked beneath him just seconds later. You experienced a moment of insecurity, but you didn’t have time to dwell on it as he moved to lay down between your thighs, guiding your legs over his shoulders while he placed little kisses over your lower stomach.

He didn’t hesitate or give you a moment to prepare, just dove right in- his lips wrapping around your clit while his fingers slid into you again, pulling a cry from you while you pulled on the covers. The short break of not getting any stimulation only set you back a little, the combination of his mouth and fingers quickly working you close to your high again. Too close.

“Fuck, slow down,” you whimpered, by now deeply regretting that you had edged yourself over and over while you had been waiting for him. The look in his eyes let you know that he had absolutely no intentions of doing so, his mouth eager and fingers skilled while he watched you squirm beneath him. He knew you were close- he could see it by the way a flush spread over your chest and your cheeks got beautifully rosy while you kept briefly clenching around his fingers- but he also knew that you were fighting against it.

Your hand landed on the back of his head like your first instinct was to push him down again as he pulled back. “C'mon, darling. It’s okay,” he cooed, his voice sweet like honey before he lowered his head and had his tongue pushing against your clit just perfectly once again. He felt you giving in, your legs starting to tremble on either side of him and your breath hitching in your throat before you harshly tugged on his hair. The next second you cried out his name while your walls clenched around his fingers, your body trembling and squirming against the bed while your hips jerked against his mouth.

He didn’t take his eyes off you, taking in all of your reactions while he gently worked you through it, only slowing down and coming to a complete stop when you came down. Your body relaxed and a deep sigh fell from your lips while your grip on his hair loosened.


	5. Part 5

He wasn’t there when you woke up, leaving you confused for a moment. You clearly remembered falling asleep with him beside you, but you weren’t sure if he had stayed the night and just gotten up earlier or if he had never even spent the night in your room.

Complete silence met you as you stepped out of your room, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Usually the apartment was filled with him humming and singing while he was showering and getting ready.

“Shawn?” you called and peeked into the living room and kitchen, the door to his room and to the bathroom both wide open. Your heart dropped in disappointment when you noticed that his shoes, jacket and laptop bag were gone. The little Hedwig magnet on the fridge still held the reminder that his sister was visiting last weekend instead of the  _‘We’re out of coffee, brb’_  note like you had been hoping for.

The real punch in the face came when you walked towards your first lecture, passing the small coffee shop- where you sometimes treated yourself with a fancy coffee that tasted way better than the one out of your coffee maker at home- to find a pretty blonde girl stepping out followed closely by Shawn, his hand resting on her lower back. You slowed your steps as he raised his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, tugging her closer to his side. Her soft giggle reached you as she slung an arm around his waist while they made their way down the street.

You felt sick. A couple of days ago you had spent most of the night kissing and cuddling with him in his bed. And just last night he had his face buried between your legs. Your last hopes of him maybe feeling the same way got crushed right there in the middle of the sidewalk, your fingers trembling and your eyes glassy as you forced yourself to keep going instead of heading home and hiding under your blanket for the next few years like you desperately wanted to.

 

* * *

 

You didn’t mention that you had seen him that morning, though you were sure that he had noticed that you were avoiding him. It got really obvious when you stayed glued to your side of the couch during movie night.

The movie was about ten minutes in when he couldn’t take it anymore, too used to you- usually- already pressed up against his side by now. Gently nudging his toe against your foot where they met in the middle of the couch, he gave you a soft smile as you turned your head to look at him. “Am I not going to get some cuddles?” he asked and held his arms open, giving you the kind of smile that always had you weak for him. It took all of your willpower to shake your head and stay right where you were on the other end of the couch, fighting against the urge to move closer to him.

He looked way too cute in his hoodie, cheeks rosy and hair perfectly ruffled and really, all you wanted to do was crawl across the couch and lay down on top of him and kiss those stupidly adorable cheeks until he did that stupidly adorable giggle. “I’m not really in the mood today,” you mumbled and turned your attention back to the movie, though you noticed the way his smile had dropped into a worried frown. Your heart twisted painfully.

“Okay,” he whispered and kept looking at you for a moment longer as he tried to figure out what was wrong before he turned his head to the TV.

Halfway through the movie you noticed him squirming around, his legs slowly sneaking around yours and tangling them together, his chest feeling a lot lighter when he noticed the way you smiled slightly, but you still didn’t look at him. Though, by the time the movie was over he still didn’t feel completely relaxed. It didn’t get any better when you immediately got up and collected the two empty bottles of soda and the empty bowl that only held a few popcorn kernels before you silently left the room. Grabbing most of the other trash off the table, he followed you into the kitchen where you kept your back turned to him while he placed everything on the counter.

“Hey,” he murmured and quickly reached for your wrist as you wanted to walk out of the room, gently tugging you back. “Did something happen?” he asked, leaning back against the counter while his thumb rubbed slow circles on the inside of your wrist. You simply shook your head, your gaze avoiding his until he reached out to you and cupped your face in his hands, giving you a soft smile when your eyes finally met his. “You know you can talk to me about everything, right?”

You hesitated for a second before you nodded, though didn’t return his smile. “Yeah, of course I know that,” you whispered.

He didn’t let go of you yet, his eyes thoughtful as he silently studied your features. “Did you… do you regret what happened between us last night?”

He noticed a quick shift in your features but it was gone before he could figure out what it meant. “I don’t,” you shook your head, “just drop it, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.” You sighed and stepped out of his touch only to have him grip your upper arm and turn you back to him, his eyes persistent.

“Promise me that you don’t regret it,” he pressed, his heart only feeling a bit lighter when you actually managed a small smile this time, “promise me that I didn’t ruin everything.”

“I promise. We’re cool, Shawn. You didn’t ruin anything,” you smiled and stepped back again, this time actually leaving the kitchen as he stared after you with dumbfounded eyes.

_“We’re cool?”_  he repeated in a whisper to himself. “What the fuck?”


	6. Part 6

Things between you and Shawn were… weird, for the lack of a better word. It was almost like nothing had ever happened between you- he acted like nothing had changed and the two of you definitely didn’t talk about it- and yet it was like too much had happened between you. Only a couple of days had passed since you had seen him hanging out with that blonde girl and those days couldn’t have dragged on any longer. Whenever you were in the same room this awkward tension lingered between you, which ultimately had led to you spending most of your time in your room and catching up on your shows on your laptop instead of the big TV in the living room.

It took you a while until you noticed how it seemed like you had travelled back in time. You had gone from roommates to best friends, then to almost lovers and now it was almost like you were back at being roommates. The same distant hesitation had settled between you again, just like right after you had moved in together when you hadn’t been sure how to behave around the other.

So you told yourself to move on and not get your hopes up on something that will never be.

It was the end of an incredibly long and tiring day, your feet aching as you finally climbed up the stairs to the front door to your apartment. Ever since you had started your shift that afternoon at the small diner you worked at you had looked forward to changing into a pair of comfortable sweatpants and flopping down on the couch, preferably with Netflix on TV and a pizza all for yourself.

Though, the second you opened the front door you were met by the sound of your plans being ruined- a mixture of male and female moans along with the bed creaking over and over again filled the apartment, even with his door sealed shut. Your heart dropped immediately, the knowledge that he was fucking some random girl making your chest fill with sadness, which was quickly followed by anger while you silently scolded yourself for feeling that way. Biting your slightly trembling bottom lip and fighting back the tears that burned in your eyes, you simply placed your bag close to the door and quickly checked that you still had some money in your pocket along with your keys and phone before you turned to leave again.

You wanted to pull the door shut with so much force that he would hear it, hoping that it would ruin the mood immediately. But instead you quietly pulled it closed, still hearing faint sounds from inside the apartment that made you quickly turn on your heel and rush down the stairs to get away from them as quickly as possible.

But you didn’t get far before you sat down in the middle of the staircase and leaned forward, your face burying into your hands. “Shit,” you mumbled, your hands running through your hair while you took a deep breath. “Get a grip, for fucks sake,” you whispered to yourself, roughly brushing the first tear away that rolled down your cheek.

 

* * *

 

You stayed out for as long as possible, only returning way after midnight when you were sure that things had calmed down at home again. You were hesitant as you stepped into the apartment though, only getting to relax when you were met by complete silence. Quietly sighing to yourself, you didn’t bother to turn the light on as you grabbed your bag from beside the door and tip toed your way to your room, finding yourself wondering if the girl was still over as you looked at Shawn’s closed door.

It felt like you only got ten minutes of sleep when your alarm already ripped you out of your dreams, feeling like you had been hit by a truck. You groaned and reached for your phone to turn the alarm off, the option to just stay in bed and skip lectures way too tempting that morning. But you knew that you would drive yourself insane if you stayed home, so you eventually managed to peel the covers off your exhausted body and got ready for the day.

He was sipping on his coffee as you stumbled into the kitchen, his smile soft but also worried. “Hey, hon,” he mumbled, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips and T-shirt missing completely. He reached for the second cup of coffee on the counter next to him and handed it to you. You avoided looking at him as you took it, convinced that you might get sick if you noticed any scratch marks or hickeys on his body. “Where have you been last night? I didn’t hear you come back home.” It didn’t take him long to notice that you weren’t looking at him. “I was worried,” he murmured and tilted his head, trying to catch your gaze.

You wanted to laugh and ask him if he was always worried about his roommate while he was balls deep inside his one night stand, but you bit your tongue. You knew that it was none of your business and that you would cross a big line. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he watched how you got a thermos out of the cupboard and poured the coffee into it. “Was at the movies,” you mumbled and moved to grab a banana, stuffing it into your bag that was already slung over your shoulder.

“Really?” he raised an eyebrow, knowing exactly that you weren’t the most social butterfly and hadn’t made a lot of friendships since starting college. “Alone?” he added, immediately wincing when he noticed how judging his voice sounded.  

_“No,”_  you scoffed and still didn’t look at him as you stepped out into the hallway, hearing his bare footsteps following. “Someone asked me out,” you told him, a sour feeling settling deep in your stomach as you wondered why you felt the need to lie to him.

You didn’t know that the same sour feeling settled in his stomach as he wondered why you hadn’t told him about it earlier already. And why it bothered him so much. “Who?”

Your jaw clenched, already hating yourself for starting this lie in the first place while grabbing your jacket, quickly trying to think of anyone. “Someone from lectures,” you said, your cheeks immediately heating up. “Listen, I gotta run, okay? I’ll see you later,” you said and left the apartment without waiting for another word from him, not noticing how he stepped out of the front door and watched you bolt down the stairs with complete worry written in his eyes.


	7. Part 7

It was really late when you got home from a long library session, your eyelids heavy and bones tired as your body basically screamed at you to finally get some rest- though you would never admit that you might have stayed out longer than necessary in hopes of not bumping into Shawn at the apartment. Locking the front door behind you, you carelessly placed your bag on the floor and toed your shoes off before you stepped further into the apartment.

You couldn’t hold back the smile from spreading over your lips as you found him in the living room, his body twisted with his arms folded on the back of the couch, head resting on his arms as he peacefully slept. He didn’t even stir as you gingerly crawled on the couch beside him, taking a second to take in his relaxed features. Most of the time you couldn’t believe how effortlessly handsome he was, long and dark lashes resting against his rosy cheeks, full lips pulled into a cute pout.

You found yourself wishing that all those things had never happened between you. You would so much rather go back to being his best friend and not knowing how great his tongue had felt against your clit. You hated this tension between you, but you also couldn’t bring yourself to change anything about it. The fact that both nights- even though nothing serious had happened that first night- had apparently meant absolutely nothing to him hurt more than you liked to admit.

You reached out, slowly combing his hair back. His eyebrows immediately furrowed in annoyance before he released a low groan. “Hey, Shawn,” you whispered and traced a finger over his cheekbone before playfully booping the tip of his nose.

He huffed out a breath. “Go away. Leave me alone,” he grumbled and nuzzled further into his arms, trying to hide from you in the most adorable way.

You smiled softly and played with his curls, twirling them around your finger and seeing how he grinned, though he turned his head a little further to the side so you couldn’t see it anymore. “Come on, you should go to bed. It’s really late and sleeping like that can’t be comfortable,” you coaxed him to get up.

He whined and mumbled several protests under his breath as he finally moved, sitting up in a way that made it look like every movement was just way too much effort. His eyes were unfocused as he stared into the distance for a few seconds, sleepily blinking a few times before he looked at you. A small smile spread over his lips as he shifted closer to you and pushed himself into your space, his head coming to rest on your shoulder while most of his weight pressed against your side. The amount of affection surprised you a lot after the cold shoulders you had given each other over the last few days, but you found yourself relaxing against him. “Did you just come back home?” he mumbled, his arms curling around your waist in a loose hug.

“Yeah. Research for this paper is insane,” you sighed and lifted a hand to play with his hair again. He hummed but didn’t respond, comfortable silence settling between you. You noticed how he kept getting heavier against your side as he was on the edge of falling asleep again. “Hey, you still with me?”

He hummed again and moved his head a little, his cheek rubbing against your shoulder in a way that made you grin widely. “I’m worried about you, honey,” his quiet voice made your grin disappear as quick as it had come, your eyebrows furrowing.

“Why? Because I’m studying like you should be, too?” you teased.

He released a breathy laugh against your shoulder. “Wow,  _ouch,”_ he grinned, though it faded quickly again as he turned serious. “It's…” he shrugged slightly and took a deep breath, suddenly detaching himself from you and sitting up. “You’re always so distant lately,” he started and ran his hands through his hair in the way he always did when he was stressing about something. “And like, it’s cool if you want some alone time, obviously. But I’m not used to it. And I’m not sure if I did something that makes you uncomfortable or-” he shrugged again, his gaze slowly meeting yours, “I’m just so confused because it all happened like overnight and I don’t know what caused it and what I can do to make it better again.”

It was only then that you noticed that you had been the one avoiding him. It hadn’t been mutual. Now, with his saddened eyes looking right at you, you realized that you had been the one giving him the cold shoulders while he had been trying to reach out to you over and over. Your heart felt heavier than ever at the realization.

You were quiet for too long as you tried to figure out how to respond. You wanted to tell him the truth, how much you hated that he was seeing all those girls and how it made you feel jealous in ways you shouldn’t feel. “Don’t worry about it, okay?” you finally said.

He shook his head before you could continue. “No, don’t give me that bullshit. You know that won’t stop me from worrying.”

You shifted back into the corner of the couch and pulled your legs up to your chest. “I’m just going through some stuff right now, you know?” you said quietly. “My mind is in a weird place and I’m just trying to find a way to cope with it,” you explained, though you knew that it wouldn’t settle his worries.

He crawled closer to you, sitting on his heels right in front of you with his hands coming to rest around your ankles. “Then talk to me. Let me help,” he begged, his eyes desperate. You could’ve never imagined that distancing yourself from him would have such an effect on him. “I miss you,” he whispered.

Tears burned in the back of your eyes at his words, but you successfully fought them back. “I need to figure this one out myself, okay?”

With a defeated look in his eyes he nodded, his shoulders slumping and his touch leaving your skin. You wanted nothing more than to tell him about all the things that had been bothering you, but you bit your tongue and stayed quiet.


	8. Part 8

He was still awake when he heard your bedroom door across from his creak open, your bare footsteps almost silently walking down the hall. Turning over, he hoped that he might finally be able to fall asleep in another position while he heard you rummaging around, but he didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t until at least half an hour had passed before he became aware of the fact that you hadn’t returned to your room yet, a feeling of worry settling in his chest.

Reaching for his phone, he squinted against the bright light of the screen and was barely able to make out the numbers glaring at him before he set it down again and shoved the covers off. The floor was cold under his toes as he stepped out of his room and followed the light coming from the kitchen. You were sitting on the counter with a mug in your hands, giving him a soft smile when you noticed him approaching. “Did I wake you?” you asked quietly.

He shook his head, a hand raising to run through his messy curls while he yawned. “No, I was still awake,” he mumbled and leaned against the doorframe, “why are you still up?”

You shrugged and took another sip of your tea. “My mind is too loud again,” you told him, knowing exactly that you didn’t need to explain further for him to understand. He knew with what kind of demons you were dealing with.

Pushing himself off the doorframe, he stepped closer to you and peered into the cup to find that you were almost finished with it. He hesitated, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth while he contemplated his next words. He was sure that you would turn down the suggestion considering how distant you had been with him lately, but decided to go for it anyway. He would rather be turned down than have you anxious all night long when he could be able to help. “Wanna sleep in my room tonight?” he offered, his hands briefly brushing your thighs as he rested them on either side of you on the counter.

You hesitated for a long moment. You knew that sharing a bed with him was not helping your mission of trying to get over him, but you also knew that you wouldn’t find any sleep soon if you went back to your bed where your thoughts would catch up with you. You knew that staying with him during nights like these had always helped and you found yourself truly conflicted. But you ended up giving in, shrugging and giving him a small smile. “If you don’t mind,” you mumbled and had to stop yourself from reaching out and playing with his soft hair now that he was so close.

A smile spread over his lips before he leaned in and placed a kiss on your forehead. “You know I never do,” he whispered, noticing how your grip on the cup tightened for a second. “Just come when you’re finished with your tea?” he asked, waiting for you to nod before he turned and walked out of the kitchen again, not seeing the way your gaze trailed down his backside.

Quiet music was playing from the speakers as you entered his room a minute later, his body buried underneath the thick covers as he typed around on his phone. You left the door open just a gap and crossed the room, quickly joining him as he lifted the covers for you.

He placed the phone aside while you were getting comfortable beside him before he turned to you, giving you a warm smile from across the pillow. “Lights?” he asked, knowing exactly that you had times when you couldn’t sleep without a little light somewhere in the room.

The fact that he was so considerate made you smile- even thinking of turning some music on because he knew that silence was the worst for you in moments like these- while you slowly felt your walls break down that you had worked so hard to keep up. “Off,” you whispered and let your eyes fall shut as he turned to flick the little bedside lamp off. The sheets rustled as he shifted into a comfortable position before silence settled between you, only the soft music filling the quiet bedroom.

The sudden touch of his knuckles on your arm startled you, though you relaxed as he let them trace down until he blindly found your hand, his fingers slowly tangling through yours. You smiled into the pillow and gently squeezed his hand, your smile turning into a wide grin as he returned the gesture. “I know-” he cleared his throat and shuffled a bit beside you, “I know you said that you don’t want to talk about it, but I just want to remind you that I’m always here to listen and try to help if you change your mind.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from reaching down and placing your free hand on the back of his, not seeing the way he had to bite his lip to hold back the giant grin from breaking out on his face at the feeling of your small and gentle hands engulfing his. “I know, Shawn,” you whispered, “thank you.”

 

* * *

 

You woke up that morning to the feeling of him crawling out of bed, your eyes opening just enough to catch sight of him getting some clothes out of a drawer before he walked over to the slightly ajar door. You quickly closed your eyes again when he turned to step out of the room, but you had seen it- fully hard morning wood pushing against his boxers, the outline way too clear through the fabric.

His footsteps moved to the bathroom and you only let yourself open your eyes again when you heard the shower turn on, your throat getting incredibly dry as you couldn’t stop yourself from imagining how he might be jerking off in the shower right now. Tattoed hand wrapped around his hard cock, just giving himself a couple of lazy pumps before he would fully get into it. You wondered if he would think about you again, just like he had when you had caught him a few weeks ago.

You would be lying if you said that you weren’t tempted to get up and give him a helping hand.


	9. Part 9

It was safe to say that things got better between Shawn and you ever since you had allowed yourself to get a bit closer to him again. The days were less tense and you actually started having movie nights again- which you had completely skipped- but both of you stayed on your respective sides of the couch. It was a relief, though. Living with him wasn’t weighing down on your shoulders anymore.

You saw him approaching through the reflection of the mirror, stopping in the doorway behind you and leaning one shoulder against the wooden frame. His arms crossed in front of his chest, biceps flexing a bit as his gaze shamelessly trailed down your body. You felt your cheeks heating up under his eyes. “I didn’t know you’re using dating apps,” he mumbled, so quietly that you almost didn’t hear him. He had been in a weird mood ever since you had told him that you were meeting someone you had been talking to online for a few weeks now.

You sighed and shrugged while trying to stay concentrated on applying your makeup. “Well, now you know. I didn’t think it’s that important.”

“Is that the same guy from the movies the other day?”

You forced yourself to keep a straight face, desperately hoping that he would never find out about your little lie that you still deeply regretted. You hoped he would forget about it rather quickly. “No, it's… it’s another guy. Movie guy and I didn’t really work, I guess.”

He nodded and gnawed around on his bottom lip before he pushed himself off the doorframe and stepped further into the bathroom. Your heart started beating a bit faster as he stopped right behind you, so close that you would have to just lean back an inch before your back touched his chest. His calloused fingertips lightly traced over your exposed back, goosebumps instantly breaking out on your skin while he carefully brushed your hair over one shoulder. “Want me to drive you?” he asked and slowly pulled the zipper of your dress up, his gaze on your back before it met yours through the mirror again.

“That would be really nice.”

 

* * *

 

He didn’t say a word as you silently walked into the apartment and immediately disappeared into your room, his eyebrows furrowing in worry. You had called him barely an hour after he had driven you to the restaurant where you were supposed to meet up with your date. He had immediately known that something was wrong, his heart heavy ever since you had quietly pleaded for him to come pick you up.

Pulling two bowls out of the cupboard and filling them with your favorite ice cream, he placed them along with two spoons on the coffee table in front of the couch before he made his way over to your room, gently knocking on your door. “Hey, honey. Can I come in?” he called. He didn’t get an answer, his hand landing on the doorknob before he very slowly pushed the door open, leaving you enough time to tell him to get out.

You were standing at the window, your back turned to him and your arms crossed in front of your chest. The dress you had worn laid on the floor as you had replaced it with comfy sweatpants and a hoodie, heels carelessly kicked against the wall. He softly said your name as he approached you, his hands placing on your upper arms in a light touch as he pressed a kiss on the back of your head.

“Can you look at me?” he whispered, patiently waiting until you turned around to him after hesitating for a minute. He immediately frowned when he noticed the tears glistening on your cheeks, your eyes glassy. Reaching out, he gently cupped your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing the tears from your cheeks.

Your eyes fluttered shut when he ran his hands through your hair, carefully working the tangled bits out and smoothing it down from when you hadn’t bothered to fix it after changing your clothes. Taking a step closer, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and placed another kiss on the side of your head, feeling you cling to his waist and hide your face in his chest. You didn’t have it in you to fight against him right now, knowing that you needed his comforting hugs and calming whispers. “Come on,” he murmured and slowly pulled away from you again, taking one of your hands into his and tugging you out of the room, straight towards the living room.

You couldn’t help the soft smile as you found the two bowls of ice cream on the table, looking up to him with still sad eyes, but the smile made his heart feel a bit lighter. “You’re honestly the best, did I ever tell you that?” you asked and followed him as he sat down on the couch, taking the bowl that he handed you.

“Wanna tell me what happened?” he asked after you settled down beside him and eagerly dug into your ice cream.

You shrugged slightly, keeping your gaze on the bowl. “He didn’t show up,” you mumbled. “Left me waiting,” you added before you breathed out a laugh and lightly shook your head, “I felt so stupid. Even my waitress started pitying me.”

He could see how hurt you were even though you were currently hiding behind your strong facade. Biting his bottom lip, he placed his still half full bowl on the table before he turned his full attention back to you. “I’m so sorry about that, honey,” he whispered and gave you an encouraging smile, “he really doesn’t know what he’s missing out on, you know?”

You shook your head with a light laugh. “That’s really nice of you, but you don’t have to say stuff like that because you feel like you have to.”

“But it’s true,” he immediately responded without missing a beat, grinning when you raised an eyebrow at him. “I would’ve given anything to go out with you tonight,” he confessed and watched as you leaned forward to place your empty bowl on the table. The blush that spread over your cheeks ignited a flame inside of him and before he could stop himself the words just came pouring out of him. “You looked so stunning. I would’ve treated you the way you deserve to be treated.  _God,_ I would’ve treated you like my princess,” he added in a quiet, yet sincere voice that had your heart skipping at least two beats.

That was all it took for your walls to break down. Everything you had worked so hard for, all the times you said ‘no’ to him when you had desperately wanted to say 'yes’, it was all for nothing. Every single wall came crashing down in that second. You were back at level one.

Your heart was racing in your chest as he looked at you with patient eyes almost like he knew that you were fighting an inner battle right now. It was so cliché, but with the way he was looking at you it was hard to think. And that was why the question fell from your lips before you even properly realized what you were saying. “Are you gonna kiss me?” Your cheeks went bright red within a second.

He seemed almost unbothered as he shrugged a little, but you could see the desire written in his eyes. “I want to,” he whispered, his fingers trembling a bit against his knee. He couldn’t believe that it had only taken one failed Tinder date for you to become the girl he remembered again and yet so much more, his heart racing at the mere thought of getting to feel your lips against his again.

The way you bit your lip and smiled had his insides twisting in anticipation, not sure if he was dreaming right now but also not wanting to find out. This had to be the best dream he had in a long time.

Shifting closer, he placed a hand on the side of your neck and let his thumb brush along your jaw as your features relaxed, your gaze not leaving his as you tilted your head up, the tip of your nose lightly brushing his. Both of you smiled at the simple touch, your eyes falling closed as he placed a lingering kiss right at the corner of your mouth. Though, right before his lips fully touched yours you suddenly remembered the pretty blonde girl from the coffee shop, presumably the same girl he had fucked just a few days later. Your mood dropped instantly, knowing that you couldn’t do this again. You couldn’t let him toy with your emotions again while he was having fun with other girls.

That was when too many things happened at once. Your phone beeped in the pocket of your hoodie right when you turned your head, hopefully making it look like that was the reason for his lips touching your cheek instead of your mouth. You didn’t know if you could deal with the sad eyes when he noticed that he just got rejected. He quickly pulled back- his cheeks heating up in embarrassment- while you got your phone out, keeping your gaze down and not noticing how he stared at you with confused eyes, watching your every move.

He couldn’t stop himself from looking at your screen as you unlocked it and opened the message you had received, his eyes widening and anger rushing through his veins as he read the name of your ex written on the screen.

“Why is that asshole texting you?”


	10. Part 10

_He couldn’t stop himself from looking at your screen as you unlocked it and opened the message you had received, his eyes widening and anger rushing through his veins as he read the name of your ex written on the screen._

_“Why is that asshole texting you?” he growled._

Your fingers were flying over the screen as you responded to the text. “He’s in town and asked if I want to meet up for coffee sometime,” you responded almost casually, making his blood boil.

“He’s in-”  he repeated, though didn’t bother to finish his sentence as he grabbed your phone and held it out of your reach. Your eyes were wide in surprise as you looked up to him and found pure disbelief and hatred written in his eyes. “You’re not actually considering to meet him, right?” he asked and stretched his arm out further as you wanted to reach for your phone.

Your jaw clenched as you glared at him. “Shawn, what-?”

“Wait,” his eyes widened like he had just realized something really important. “Were you supposed to meet him tonight? Is he also ‘the guy from the movies’?”

“No!” you exclaimed and tried to reach for your phone again. “Not like it’s any of your business, by the way. He just started texting me 2 days ago,” you explained while getting on your knees and stretching up, finally getting a hold on your phone. “Why? Would that be a problem?” you asked sarcastically while you tried to pull his fingers off the device.

“That would be a fucking huge problem, yes.  _All_  of this is a fucking huge problem!” he exclaimed, still not giving you your phone back, “do I need to remind you of what he’s done to you after you broke up with him?”

“He has changed.”

His eyes widened shortly, the arm holding your phone slowly lowering as he stared at you like you were completely crazy. “He’s changed?” he repeated, his voice soft and almost hurt as he let go of your phone, though by now you didn’t even want it anymore. The look in his eyes made you feel like you had just deeply disappointed him and it made you want to hide in shame. He shook his head slightly. “I’m sure he did,” he whispered before he got off the couch and walked out of the room, your heart dropping as you watched him go.

 

* * *

 

You found him in his bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. He didn’t bother to look up as you walked into the room, making you shortly wonder if he even heard you entering. “Answer me one thing,” he suddenly spoke up, still not looking up to you as you lingered in the doorway. You stayed quiet and waited for him to continue. “How did he manage to manipulate you into once again believing that he’s a good guy within those few days?” he asked, running his hands through his hair as he lifted his head to look at you. He sighed softly as you still didn’t respond and nibbled around on your bottom lip. “I get how he was able to mess with your head while you had still been with him, but how did he manage to completely brainwash such a smart girl like you with a couple of texts?”

“He didn’t brainwash me,” you protested, but it seemed like he didn’t even listen to you.

“Do you assume that he changed or did he tell you?”

You hesitated before you answered. “He told me.”

He released a breathy laugh that had your jaw clenching. “So you talked about what happened after your breakup?” he wanted to know, receiving a little nod from you. “All of it?” he asked, getting a hesitant shake of your head. “Did he apologize?”

You bit your bottom lip and gave him a look that already answered his question without you needing to say it out loud, yet you did. “No.”

He let out a quiet and disbelieving chuckle and shook his head. “Of course he didn’t,” he sighed and rolled his eyes.

“I texted him that I don’t want to meet up with him,” you informed him and crossed your arms in front of your chest.

“No, go ahead, be my guest. If that’s what makes you happy,” he shrugged, making anger flame up inside of you.

“Shawn, what the hell?” you asked in a calm voice, though he could clearly hear the tense undertone that a stranger wouldn’t have caught.

“That’s what I should ask you- what the hell? What the actual hell makes you even consider meeting him after everything he’s done to you? What the hell were you thinking when you texted him back instead of immediately blocking him? How did he even get your number that you fucking had to change because of him?” Sometime during his rant he had gotten up and now stood in front of you, towering over you as his heart beat rapidly with the anger pumping through his veins. “What the hell makes you even consider forgiving him if he can’t even muster up the tiniest little sorry over a fucking text?” he asked, waiting for you to reply, but you didn’t. You stayed quiet, your eyes not meeting his. “It’s like, I don’t even know who you are anymore,” he said, his voice softer by now, “one day you’re on a date with some guy from campus, then you’re meeting a complete stranger from Tinder and then you’re talking to your abusive ex again? Where did the strong and independent girl go that moved in with me?”

You didn’t know why, but something inside of you snapped at that. “You’re such an asshole, you know?” you suddenly raised your voice and looked up to him, though he didn’t even flinch the slightest bit, “you’re standing here, lecturing me like all you’ve ever done was right.”

“Oh, please enlighten me. What did I do wrong this time?” he responded sarcastically, just adding more fuel to the fire raging inside of you.

“Movie guy doesn’t exist, you know?” you spilled your secret, admitting that you had been lying to him. “I was alone at the movies that night. I made it up so I didn’t have to tell you that I had to get away from the apartment because you had a girl over. I made it up so I didn’t have to tell you that I couldn’t stand listening to you fuck some random girl like two days after you had your face between my legs,” you told him, your fingers trembling while his features softened, “I made it up so I didn’t have to tell you that you fucking hurt my feelings.” Your voice had gone quiet and it was only then that he saw all the weight hanging on your shoulders.

Suddenly it all made sense. Why you had started avoiding him out of nowhere. Why you had started acting so strangely around him. His chest hurt when he realized how much all of the things that had happened between you had meant to you and how much he had hurt you ever since. “Honey,” he swallowed heavily, wanting so badly to reach out to you and hug you, but your whole posture screamed of discomfort. “I’m an idiot, I know,” he murmured. He wanted to explain it all to you- how he didn’t want to let himself fall for you because he was scared that you wouldn’t feel the same way. How he didn’t want to ruin your friendship just because he had developed feelings you might not even reciprocate. That he had kept bringing these girls over because he knew that he couldn’t have the girl he really wanted. But his throat felt so tight that he couldn’t get a single word out.

Tears were gathering in your eyes. He took a step towards you, but you immediately flinched back. “Why, Shawn? Why do you spend the night with me and then meet up with another girl the next morning?” you whispered, his heart aching at the realization that you were close to crying because of him- how you had probably cried because of him too many times already.

“I don’t know.”

Biting your trembling bottom lip, you nodded and gave him the weakest excuse of a smile he had ever seen. “Maybe let me know when you do,” you mumbled and took a step back. “But I’m done waiting around for you,” you told him, his heart officially breaking as he watched you go.


	11. Part 11

You were already laying in bed when he quietly stepped into your bedroom, his footsteps hesitant as he approached the bed. Keeping your eyes closed, you heard him step closer until he stopped right in front of you. Tender fingertips lightly brushed over your cheek before he tucked your hair behind your ear, the gesture making your heart skip a beat. But you moved your head out of his touch. “Are you awake?” he whispered, a soft sigh falling from your lips.

“What do you want?” you asked, your voice loud and clear. And cold. He couldn’t remember hearing you talk to him in that tone before. But he forced himself not to back down, no matter how much it hurt him to know that you hated him.

Swallowing heavily, he was dying to reach out to you again, but he feared that you would flinch back. “I know you don’t want to talk to me right now, but I can’t just go to bed without explaining myself to you,” his voice was quiet and soothing, but you could hear the anxiety behind it.

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you,” you sighed and opened your eyes as you heard him moving, seeing his dark figure get up from the crouched position in front of you to walk around the bed. “I’m just so tired of pretending like I’m not hurt by the things you did,” you told him while he lifted the covers behind you and climbed into bed, but you kept your back turned to him, “I know that what we did doesn’t mean that we’re in a fully committed relationship or whatever, but I can’t let you play around with my feelings anymore.”

He settled back against the pillows with a deep breath. “I never meant to hurt you,” he whispered, sorrow clear in his voice. “I know it doesn’t seem like it and it doesn’t change the fact that I did, but…” he trailed off before he chuckled softly, “it’s so ironic. Here I was, worrying about you getting hurt by the guys you’re meeting on Tinder while I was the real cause of your pain”

“I’m glad that amuses you.”

“No, honey,” he immediately shook his head and turned his head to look at you, but you still kept your back turned to him. “You know I’m not- fuck,” he groaned and ran a hand through his hair, “I’m such a dickhead.”

“Why are you here, Shawn?”

He hated himself for the tears that gathered in his eyes. “I can’t go to bed knowing that you gave up on me and I didn’t even try to fight for you. If I just leave things the way they are right now we’ll never talk in the morning. So please, just give me five minutes to explain. You can tell me to get the hell out then,” he told you, clearing his throat as his voice cracked several times.

Turning to lay on your back, you stared up at the dark ceiling and tugged the covers up to your chin. “Then tell me everything about the girl from the coffee shop.” The memory of seeing him with another girl still hurt, but you needed to know the story. All of the assumptions you had made just hurt you even more.

He was quiet for a long moment before he spoke up. “I think I’ll have to start way before that.” He took your silence as his cue to start explaining. “It actually all started when you moved in with me. After a few weeks of living together I realized that I was slowly falling for you. And for a while I entertained that idea, but I quickly came to the realization that a girl like you could never fall for an idiot like me. So I pushed it away and did whatever I had to do to get over you. But…” he trailed off again and shifted beside you, “do you know how hard it is to get over you?” He didn’t seem to expect an answer as he immediately continued, though his voice got so quiet that you barely heard him. “It’s impossible. And it scared the hell out of me,” he was silent for a long moment before he continued, “you never gave me the feeling like you’re into me, so knowing that I have feelings for you that you don’t reciprocate was scary. I was terrified that you would notice and things would get weird. Until… until you walked in on me.”

Your cheeks immediately flushed at the memory, wondering if he was also blushing, but not daring to look at him. You probably wouldn’t be able to see it through the darkness anyway.

“That was when everything just made a complete turn. Suddenly you were flirty and you made this comment about thinking of me while getting off and I just- I couldn’t believe any of it. But at the same time I didn’t even try to keep my composure, I just embraced all of it with open arms and let myself dive into it. When I said that thing about helping you get off, I was sure that you would just laugh it off and forget about it. But you didn’t. And it was such a rush, you know? Suddenly we went out and you were teasing the hell out of me at the restaurant in ways that I had only dreamed about before and I started getting my hopes up again.” He took a moment to gather his thoughts before he inhaled deeply. “And then the night came when you were waiting for me.”

You bit your lip and forced yourself not to think about how great his mouth had felt on you. Or his hands. Or how he had held you afterwards, strong arms wrapped around you like he never wanted to let you go again while you were catching your breath in his embrace. How you had slowly fallen asleep to his gentle touches and soft kisses he had placed on every part of your face over and over.

“I didn’t know how to handle the situation after it happened. Suddenly this bubble of a perfect dream world where you would just fall in love with me burst when I realized that it might have just been a fun little adventure for you. And instead of talking to you I just… I don’t know. I completely shut down. All I knew was that I couldn’t allow myself to read too much into it again. I knew that I couldn’t stay the night with you and wake up in the morning full of hopes while it possibly meant nothing to you. So right after you fell asleep I left. I was so anxious all night long and in the morning I got a text from this girl asking if I would like to meet up for coffee before lectures start. In my mind it was this constant mantra of  _‘it didn’t mean anything, it really didn’t mean anything’_  so I just… I went and met her. And she was finally able to take my mind off you.”

“Shawn?” you asked and turned your head to look at him to find him in the same position- laying flat on his back with his gaze on the ceiling. He hummed, the only sign for you to continue. “Was she the same girl you brought home a few days later?”

“Yeah,” he admitted with a sigh. “Fuck, how did I not realize that I’m hurting you so much-” he muttered and brought a hand up to rub it over his face, “she made me feel like she could really help me get over you and I just… I clung to that like it’s all that’s keeping me alive.”

“And then?” you asked, knowing that he wasn’t finished with his story yet.

He got tense beside you, his head tilting down to watch his hands that nervously played with your sheets before he cleared his throat. “She… She couldn’t. She was great and all, but she wasn’t you. So…”

He was quiet for too long, your head tilting to catch his gaze through the darkness. “What? Tell me.”

He bit his bottom lip before he gave you a sheepish and slightly embarrassed smile. “In the middle of having sex with her I realized that she’s not the girl I really want and… that was apparently an instant mood killer for me.”  

“No way,” you gasped with a wide grin as you properly realized what he was saying, “ _the_  Shawn Mendes, most wanted guy by every single girl on the  _entire_  campus, can’t keep it up?”

“Shut up,” he laughed and reached over to push you playfully, but you only started laughing.

Even though he knew that you were totally laughing at him he couldn’t help but feel proud, the fact that he was still able to make you laugh after everything that had happened between you meaning so much to him. “How did she react?” you giggled.

“She said it’s fine and all of that, but she left quickly afterwards,” he told you and blushed as you laughed even harder.

“You know that she might be going around right now telling all the girls what happened?” you giggled, deeply amused by the whole story.

He shrugged. “Does it matter?” he asked, your laughter slowly dying down again as you looked at him with confused eyes. “I got the only girl I really want right here beside me. I don’t care what the others think about me.”

“Shawn…”

“I know, okay? I know,” he took a deep breath and lifted a hand to run it through his ruffled hair, “I know what I did wasn’t okay. I know I’m the biggest jerk and I hate myself so much for hurting you the way I did. All because I didn’t have the balls to talk to you or to really pay attention and realize that you’re not completely repelled by my presence. Well, at least you weren’t until I fucked everything up.”

You sighed softly and turned to lay on your side facing him. “I also didn’t make the smartest decisions. I could’ve talked to you instead of avoiding you.”

He made a sound of protest. “No, don’t even try to pretend like anything that happend was your fault for not telling me to get my shit together” His heart jumped in his chest as he felt your fingers on his hand, immediately twisting his wrist so you could lace your fingers through his. “You have no idea how much it killed me when you started avoiding me. But I was so dumb and didn’t notice that it happened right after I met this girl,” he rolled his eyes at himself, though they widened immediately after as you shifted closer to him. He almost didn’t dare to move in fear of ruining it as you pressed yourself up against his arm, your grip on his hand tightening. “I am so sorry. For everything I did,” he apologized, his voice truly sincere, “just please don’t give up on me yet.”

You shook your head, your free hand coming up to trace random patterns on the inside of his forearm, not noticing how the simple touch gave him goosebumps. “Not yet,” you smiled.

He hesitated before he turned his head, his lips finding your forehead in a tender kiss that lingered longer than strictly necessary, but you found yourself tilting your head into it. “Honey?” he whispered. You hummed and closed your eyes as he lightly rubbed the tip of his nose along your hairline while he seemed to consider his next words. “Can I stay with you tonight?”

“Please,” you mumbled. He untangled his hand from yours and instead raised his arm, unable to hold back the smile as you immediately lifted your head and allowed him to place his arm under you. Turning to lay on his side, he completely wrapped you up in his arms and held you close to his chest. It felt like he was finally home again as you pressed further against him and released a sigh of comfort that tickled on his collarbones.

Truth was, you had been dying to reach out to him ever since he had gotten into your bed. You had held yourself back though, too scared of getting hurt again. But now, with all the things that had been confessed, you found yourself unable to stay away from him any longer.

You had no idea which part of your brain convinced you to actually go through with your next move. Maybe it was because you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about those stupid lips ever since you had gotten a first taste of them. Maybe it was because the whole night had turned way more emotional than you liked and you found yourself vulnerable. Or maybe it was just the fact that he was right here and he had poured his heart out for you and you could actually feel his heart beating against your chest.

Your gentle hands cupped around his face, soft fingers caressing his skin while he tilted his head to look down on you. He wanted to ask if you were okay, if you needed anything, but before he could even attempt to open his mouth your soft lips touched his in a tender kiss, a surprised grunt rumbling in his chest while his arms subconsciously tightened around you.


	12. Part 12

The room was still pitch black as you woke up sometime in the middle of the night to his arms wrapped around you, his chest steadily rising and falling against your back. For some reason you knew that he was also awake, so when you shifted it came to no surprise as he immediately tightened his arms around you. His body fit perfectly against yours like this- his knees in the crook of yours and your head tucked under his chin, feeling so safe in his embrace that you never wanted to leave this position ever again.

“Everything okay?” he mumbled, his voice deep and raspy and rumbling against your back. You hummed and nodded, your head tilting up and a smile spreading over your face as he placed a kiss on your hair. The sheets rustled as he shifted behind you, his head tilting down and his nose brushing along your shoulder before placing a soft kiss there. For a moment neither of you moved, almost holding your breath before he placed another kiss just a little to the left, almost shyly. Releasing a content sigh, you tilted your head to the side and gasped as he didn’t waste any time to attack your neck in tender kisses, lips warm and soft against your sensitive skin.

You turned into putty in his hands, a small whimper escaping your lips that went straight to his dick as you shifted back into his embrace, the way you rubbed your butt over his crotch definitely not helping. His lips felt like heaven and you really couldn’t decide if you wanted him to continue like this- gentle and small kisses- or if you wanted him to mark you up. Your breath audibly got caught in your throat as his lips brushed over your pulse point, the way his lips curved into a grin against your skin making you smile, too.

Licking over his bottom lip, he could feel the way your chest arched a bit in anticipation before he pressed his lips against your neck again. He couldn’t help it- his hand instinctively moved up to your chest as a soft moan passed your lips when he started sucking where your shoulder met your neck, the soft weight of your boob in his palm making his hips lightly tilt against the curve of your ass.

He could feel your heart racing against his lip as he attacked another spot close to your pulse point, your hand raising to grasp his forearm and making his heart drop in fear of having done something wrong, expecting that you would pull his hand back. But instead you moved it even higher up to rest it on the back of his hand, fingers lacing through his and a shaky breath escaping your lips as he gently squeezed your breast. Licking over the mark he had left on the side of your neck, he didn’t fail to notice how you shuddered in his grip.

Not a single word was exchanged between you as wriggled in his grip, clumsily turning around to him and meeting his awaiting lips in a hungry and passionate kiss. Hands grasping at his T-shirt, you subconsciously parted your lips and immediately felt him follow, deepening the kiss and tightening his arms around your body. Your heart raced in your chest, your hands trembling slightly and a little sound escaping your throat as his hands started roaming your back, almost shyly sliding down to rest on your butt for a second. His tongue slowly licked over the roof of your mouth before he nibbled on your bottom lip, tugging slightly and making you gasp softly.

You wanted to speak up, to ask him if he thought this was a good idea, but then he already pressed his lips against yours again and you forgot about everything except for how perfect his lips felt against yours. Shifting, he rolled to lay flat on his back and guided you along until you straddled his lap, lips not disconnecting until you moved to get more comfortable and lightly rubbed against him, drawing a soft moan from him this time.

His hands reached out to grasp your waist like he wanted to pull you back down as you sat up and reached over to the bedside table. His heart did a weird skip, but when the small light of the lamp illuminated the room just a moment later he scolded himself- just because he was more than ready to sleep with you it didn’t mean that you also wanted to. He hummed with a grin as you turned your attention back to him, the light catching your features just perfectly. “That’s much better,” he murmured and let his hands drop down to your hips.

Your fingers traced over his chest in a way that gave him goosebumps, the way you smirked at him making his stomach flip in excitement. He stretched up to meet you halfway as you leaned down to kiss him again, your chest completely pressing up against his and your hands tangling into his hair. He released a grunt into the kiss as you slowly rolled your hips against his, followed by a quiet moan of your name as you pulled away from his lips and instead kissed over his neck while repeating the motion of your hips.

His hands immediately tightened their grip on your hips as he guided your movements of slowly grinding against his rapidly hardening cock trapped beneath his clothes while he swallowed heavily, not having expected that your lips would feel this good on his skin. As much as he wanted to let you continue he also wanted to worship every inch of you and make you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. Moving his hands up to grip your waist, he swiftly rolled you over so you laid flat on your back with his broad body hovering over you.

His eyes were full of love as he looked down on you, his hands combing your hair back before he leaned in for an incredibly tender kiss that calmed your racing heart and the desperation for him that had built, allowing you to take a mental step back and really concentrate on him. The way his lips felt, fitting so perfectly against yours. The way his hands felt tracing down your sides, fingertips slowly sneaking beneath your T-shirt.

You watched with heavy lidded eyes as he moved down your body, unable to hold back the soft sigh as he covered your exposed lower stomach in kisses. One of your hands placed on the back of his head, his eyes closing as his lips brushed over your skin in small pecks. He slowly pushed your T-shirt up a bit further with every new kiss while his hands caressed the places he hadn’t peppered in kisses yet.

It wasn’t until he reached the curve of your boobs that he opened his eyes and looked up to you, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he found you watching him with dark eyes. Grasping the hem of your T-shirt, you pulled it off a bit clumsily, his helping hands actually not helping much at all. But he was still smiling at you when the piece of clothing finally got tossed aside, his hands settling on your sides in a light touch. The feeling of his fingers brushing over your bare skin gave you goosebumps. “How on earth are you so beautiful?” he whispered and placed a soft peck on your lips, fingertips slowly tracing up and finding your hardened nipples.

But before you even begin to enjoy his hands on you he already pulled them back again, a look crossing his features like he just now realized the whole meaning of the situation. Leaning his forehead against yours, he inhaled deeply and nibbled around on his bottom lip. “What’s wrong?” you asked in a quiet voice and smiled softly as he placed kisses along your jawline, unable to stay away from you.

“I need you to tell me that you really want this,” he whispered and pulled back just enough to look at you, blown eyes holding a hint of worry hidden behind the pure desire written in them. Giving him a fond smile, you cupped his face in your hands and lifted your head off the pillow to capture his lips in a soft kiss that he didn’t hesitate to return, hands finding your waist again.

“I want this,” you whispered and placed another kiss on his lips, gasping softly as he let a single digit slowly circle around your nipple. “So much. And just the fact that you’re making sure-” you interrupted yourself with a soft moan as he lowered his head and wrapped his lips around your nipple, your hands moving to tangle into his hair to tug lightly. “-Makes you so sexy,” you finished with a soft pant as he sucked on your chest, your eyes falling shut in pleasure.

His lips curled into a grin against your skin, hands lightly squeezing your hips for a moment before he pushed himself up into a sitting position. He quickly pulled his T-shirt off and wriggled out of his sweatpants, leaving him in nothing but a dark pair of black boxer briefs, bulge clear through the fabric. Raising an eyebrow in a suggestive and almost playful way, you reached down to push both your shorts and panties down in a single movement, his eyes greedily trailing over the newly exposed skin. He swallowed heavily and reached for your thighs, spreading them open and allowing him to dip his head in between them.

You sucked in a breath as he left a couple of soft kisses over your lower stomach, dying to let him continue so you would get to feel his tongue on you again, but at the same time you were impatient to feel all of him. He looked up to you as you placed a finger under his chin and followed as you tugged him up, his lips finding yours in a passionate kiss. His chest arched as you let your nails drag down his spine before you grasped the waistband of his boxers, shoving them down as far as you could reach.

He pulled away from your lips with a grunt as your hand wrapped around his cock, followed by your surprised moan as his fingers found your clit.  _“Shawn,”_  you whimpered, the sound making his length twitch against your palm, “I need you,  _please.”_

“Fuck, baby,” he murmured and circled his fingers around the bundle of nerves, having you squirming underneath him as your head tossed back, chest arching and your free hand grasping at his upper arm. “You’re so gorgeous, oh my God,” he whispered and placed the lightest kiss on the sensitive spot on your neck that was already bruised a little. He felt your legs wrapping around his waist after you let go of him, heels resting on his lower back as you tugged him closer. A groan rumbled deep within his chest as his tip slid through your folds. “Top or bottom drawer?” he whispered and pulled back just enough to look at you, desperately trying to ignore the way his length rested right against your entrance, needing just the slightest push-

“What?” you mumbled, inhaling deeply as his fingers left your clit, hands bracing on either side of your head.

“Condom. Top or bottom drawer?” he repeated, “or do I have to get one from my room?”

“Top,” you sighed and ran a hand through your hair. Your gaze eagerly trailed over his defined torso as he stretched over to the bedside table and pulled the drawer open. His muscles tensed for a moment as your fingertips brushed over his skin in a barely-there touch, letting you continue for a couple of seconds before he leaned back and brought the shiny square foil up to his mouth. Ripping it open with his teeth, he grinned as he noticed how you watched him with lust-filled eyes, making sure to take his sweet time rolling the condom over his length just to tease you. And he chuckled when you whined in protest, looking into your eyes again and feeling himself throb in his palm as he took in how you tightly bit your bottom lip, your cheeks beautifully flushed and nipples hardened. Giving his base a squeeze that didn’t bring much relief, he leaned over you and attached his lips to your chest that immediately arched up, a soft cry falling from your lips as he took one of your nipples into his mouth while rolling the other one between his fingers. Though, he didn’t get to tease you too long as you tangled your hands into his hair and tugged him up, your lips finding his in a hungry kiss.

Lowering himself until he comfortably settled between your legs again, he let his hands trail up and down your sides while your arms loosely wrapped around his neck. His teeth nibbled on your bottom lip, tugging and sucking slightly before he let his tongue push past your lips to brush against yours, feeling one of your hands tangle into his hair. He gasped in surprise as your other hand wrapped around his length, guiding him to your entrance as he pulled back to look at you.

“Please,” you whispered, answering the unspoken question that was written in his eyes. Pecking your lips, he rested his forehead against yours as he pushed his hips forward, easily entering you and slowly pushing in deeper, not failing to notice how your eyes fluttered while a soft moan slipped past your lips. His eyes fell shut with a deep inhale as he was buried as deep as possible inside of you, the feeling of your warm and tight walls surrounding him making him wonder if he could last more than half a minute once he’d start moving.

Tilting his head, he captured your lips in a surprisingly chaste kiss as he carefully lowered himself until his chest was flush against yours, staying unmoving inside of you, which you were more than thankful for. It had been quite a while, the feeling of his length stretching you leaving a little stinging behind that wasn’t exactly painful but not comfortable either. His hand placed on the side of your face again as he broke the kiss, the tip of his nose lightly brushing against yours and making you smile softly.

“You doing okay?” he whispered and placed a hand on the back of your head as you lifted it off the bed to place soft kisses along his broad shoulder, smiling softly as you felt him mirror your actions.

“Absolutely,” you whispered and smiled widely as he placed soft kisses along your cheeks and temples before he slowly pulled his hips back. Letting a moment pass, your breath caught in your throat while a deep moan slipped past his lips as he thrust into you again. Your lips parted as he repeated the movement, your eyes falling closed and blindly letting him tug your hand off the back of his head.

His slightly scruffy cheek rested against yours, his breath hitting your ear as he laced his fingers through yours. Placing your intertwined fingers on the pillow beside your head, he built up a steady pace, keeping his actions slow and placing every thrust just perfectly. His lips captured yours in a slightly messy kiss, your free hand resting on his strong shoulder blade that tensed with every shift of his hips.

He couldn’t help but give you a soft smile as he looked down on you, your thighs tightening around his hips while you took your hand off his shoulder, allowing him to grasp it and also intertwine your fingers. Stretching both of your tangled hands above your head, he thrust into you a little faster than before, hips knocking against yours and drawing a breathless cry from you.

“Do that again,” you whispered so quiet he barely heard it, repeating his movement and receiving another moan from you, your eyes closing in pleasure as your chest arched into his.

“There?” he asked in a low murmur, grinding his hips against yours and having you squirming underneath him as the tip of his length rubbed perfectly against the spot. You nodded and responded to the kiss as he pressed his lips against yours, swallowing every moan that fell from your lips and returning one of his own.

A low whimper fell from his lips as your walls briefly clenched around him, slowing his thrusts and receiving a whine from you as you opened your eyes to look at him. “Don’t stop.”

“Baby,” he chuckled breathlessly, feeling your hands squeeze his. “You feel overwhelmingly amazing and I’m so close already-” he broke off with a soft moan and nuzzled his face into your neck, placing a kiss on the bruise he had left earlier, hoping that it would remind you of this in the morning. And maybe the next few days. “I don’t want this to be over so soon.”

After some slow thrusts he picked up his pace again, your soft moans and pants filling the bedroom, only muffled by your lips finding the others. Releasing your hands as you moved your wrists, he grunted as you clung to his strong shoulders instead, the heat spreading through your lower stomach too present to ignore. He noticed how you squirmed beneath him and needed a second to realize that you tried to flip him over on his back, quickly reaching a hand down and pinning your hips to the bed. He knew that this would be over in less than a second once he’d have you on top of him and your naked body on full display.

“I’m close, Shawn,” you whispered and felt his teeth lightly digging into your shoulder, your body jolting and a rather loud moan leaving your parted lips as his hand snuck between your bodies, fingers finding your clit.

“Me too, baby,” he panted and squeezed his eyes shut as you clenched around him. He groaned at the feeling of your nails lightly scratching down his back again, wondering- and kind of hoping- if you’d leave marks behind.

You arched your chest into his as he rubbed circles over your clit with just the perfect amount of pressure, tilting your head to find his lips in a passionate kiss. His eyes were heavy lidded as he pulled back too soon to look down on you, your eyes blown wide and lips kiss swollen, making you look prettier than he had ever seen you before. “Oh- fuck, Shawn,” you moaned, your walls squeezing him once more as you felt your high right on the edge. He grew desperate, finger flicking over your clit and silently begging you to reach your high, every of his muscles tense as he forced himself to hold back.

“Let go, c'mon,” he groaned and buried his face into your hair, breathing erratic and heart racing in his chest. “Let me feel you, beautiful,” he whispered and couldn’t help the soft smile as you gasped, your legs locking around his hips and holding him flush against your body as you released with a moan, your walls clenching around him and pushing him over the edge, too.

Pushing his head into the crook of your neck, he whimpered and moaned against your shoulder. His toes curled, the feeling of you coming around him sending him into a state of oblivion.

His body collapsed on top of you, both of your chests rising and falling rapidly as you clung to the other, lazily riding out the aftershocks of your highs until both of your bodies relaxed into the mattress, the sound of panting filling the room. For several seconds neither of you said a word, slowly coming back to reality and catching your breath until he pushed himself up on shaky hands, looking at you with blown and exhausted eyes, hair slightly sweaty.

Cupping your face in his hands, he slowly shook his head with a fond smile. The bruise he had left on your neck was already blooming in a dark purple color, a bit of pride swelling in his chest at the sight, accompanied by a few more smaller hickey littering your shoulders and neck.

“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more beautiful,” he breathed and placed a quick peck on your lips before he moved his hips, slowly pulling out of you. You whined softly and didn’t move your legs from around his waist, receiving a soft chuckle from him before he tilted his head to place slow kisses along your cheeks and jawline. You sighed softly and let your eyes fall shut, moving a hand to comb it through his hair at the back of his head while the other caressed over his shoulder blades.


	13. Part 13

It was the feeling of his fingers slowly tracing over your back that brought you to reality, slowly pulling you from a dreamless sleep. It took you a moment of trying to figure out your surroundings without opening your eyes yet.

Your bare chest was flush to the bed as you had been sleeping on your front, his body beside yours radiating a comfortable warmth. His legs were tangled with yours, the sheets pushed down to your lower back and exposing your skin to the chilly morning air. But it wasn’t the cold that raised goosebumps on your arms- his fingers did. The way they switched back and forth from tracing random patterns over your soft skin to exploring your back, feeling each dip and bump of your spine with the perfect amount of pressure to have you swallowing back a moan.

Smiling into the pillow, you heard him chuckle lightly as he noticed that you were awake. You didn’t bother to open your eyes as you turned to lay on your side, his hand placing flat on your back as he tugged while you shifted closer to him until you found yourself pressed against his chest. Tilting your head up, you felt his lips placing a tender kiss on your forehead before you slowly forced your eyes open, meeting his fond smile. “Good morning, beautiful,” he whispered, his hand raising to brush your hair back before he gently combed his fingers through it a couple of times.

You hummed and stretched for a moment before you relaxed again. “Mmmh, morning,” you mumbled and slung your arms around him while placing a kiss on his chest. You knew that sleeping with him probably hadn’t been the best idea considering how much had happened last night and how emotionally drained the two of you had been at that point. But you also didn’t regret it.

“Sleep well?” he murmured and placed his hand on the back of your head like he wanted to keep you close as you nuzzled your nose into the crook of his neck. You couldn’t stop your fingers from exploring the wide expanse of his back, not failing to notice how he moved just a bit into your touch.

Leaving a small and innocent kiss on his neck, you looked up to him again and gave him a sleepy smile. “Very,” you smiled and let your eyes fall shut as he brushed his hand through your hair again, “you?”

“Just perfectly,” he whispered, dipping his head down to playfully rub his nose against yours while his hand traced down your body until it settled on your butt. You grinned but stayed quiet, growing curious as he simply caressed your cheeks with gentle fingertips, occasionally squeezing before he went back to caressing. “I’m offended that your bed is more comfortable than mine,” he grumbled, making you giggle in a way that brought butterflies to his stomach.

“Are you saying that you deserve a comfortable bed more than I do?”

He scoffed.  _“Obviously.”_

Placing a kiss on his chin, you smiled as he tilted his head, giving you the perfect angle to place a few more kisses over his jaw. He inhaled deeply and completely relaxed in your arms, his own tightening around you. “Sucks for you, huh?” you mumbled.

Releasing a laugh, he shook his head as you as you pulled back to look at him. “Wow, ouch,” he giggled, “sucks for you, though, doesn’t it?”

Your eyebrows knitted in confusion. “For me?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “‘cause you’ll never get rid of me again,” he murmured, his fingers slowly dancing up your back again.

The thought made you feel so delighted while you desperately hoped that he was serious and not just teasing you. “Yeah, that really sucks for me,” you sighed, but couldn’t help the wide grin that he mirrored, giving you a spark of hope.

 

* * *

 

The day had been nothing but unproductive. Even when you had tried to get  _anything_  done, he had always been right there, immediately distracting you with his hands tugging you closer while his lips chased yours. You actually had to splash water at him so he would stop distracting you from simply stuffing the takeout boxes into the trash can.

The way he had grumbled and wiped the sleeve of his hoodie over his wet face had made you grin widely.

“Hey, what’s up with that frown?” he asked and gently nudged your shoulder with his own, the two of you waiting for the popcorn to finish in the microwave so you could start movie night.

Looking up from where you had stared at the fridge while you had been deep in thought, you blinked a few times before you shook your head. His features immediately turned worried as he turned to you to fully face you- from where he had watched the popcorn pop like a little kid- his hands placing on your waist while he looked down on you. “Hey, honey. Talk to me,” he murmured, his thumbs lightly brushing over the bottom of your ribcage through the T-shirt you had stolen from him.

Biting around on your bottom lip, you shrugged. “I guess I’m a little… scared?” you confessed, though it sounded more like a question.

“Of what?” he whispered, his head dipping to catch your gaze again as you averted it. Rubbing the tip of his nose against your jaw in a gentle way, he got a soft smile from you that only lasted for a short moment. “Let me make it better,” he murmured in such a reassuring way that you felt yourself crumbling in his arms.

Placing your hands on his upper arms as he tugged you closer and loosely wrapped his arms around your middle, you tried to find the right words while he peppered soft kisses over your cheeks and temples. “What will happen once the weekend is over? When we have to leave this nice little bubble we created in the apartment?”

Pulling back, he silently looked at you for a couple of seconds before a slow grin spread over his lips. “What are you talking about?” he giggled a bit confused.

“It's…” you trailed off and took your hands off him, wanting to take a step back, but he held you in place and didn’t take his eyes off you. “Will I find you hanging out with another girl again? In a way that’s not just friendly? Am I going to walk in here in a few days and hear you fuck some random girl again?”

His eyes widened, panic written in them. “Honey-” he swallowed heavily, but you interrupted him before he could start talking.

“No, don’t sugar coat it. Just give me the full truth,” you shook your head, the defeat written in your eyes giving him the feeling like you had accepted it already. Like you had given up on him, even after everything that had happened the night before.

Biting his bottom lip, he reached up to cup your face in incredibly gentle hands and let his thumbs caress your cheekbones while he gave you a loving smile that had your heart skipping a beat. “You want to know what’s going to happen?” He whispered, forcing himself to keep up his strong facade even though he felt like crying.

He had hurt you so much. And while he had let himself believe that things were better after the long talk you had the night before, it obviously hadn’t been enough yet. Deep down you still didn’t trust him enough to commit to this relationship as much as he did. With his jaw clenching for a moment he silently swore to himself that he would do everything it took for you to see that your fears were for no reason.

"We’ll wake up Monday morning next to each other and get ready like we always do,” he started with a smile playing on his lips. “We’re going to walk out of this building and I will hold your hand the entire time while I’m bringing you to your first lecture before I’ll have to run halfway across campus to get to my lecture in time. And at night we’ll make dinner together and get cuddled up on the couch while we watch Netflix until we get tired and head to bed. Or you’ll fall asleep on my chest and I’ll carry you to bed,” He told you, a slow smile spreading over your lips.

Your hands reached up to grip his arms, your fingers brushing over the inside of his wrist while he gently tilted your head up so you looked into his eyes before he continued. He would be lying if he said that his heart didn’t beat a bit faster with his next words.

“A few years down the road we might move out of here into a nicer apartment or even into a completely different town, who knows. We might have weekly date nights. We might go on crazy and spontaneous road trips. Maybe we’ll get to travel and see a lot more of the world once we’re out of college and are financially stable. And one day I might get you a pretty ring and get down on one knee in front of you,“ he grinned, bending down to place a kiss on your forehead. You let your eyes fall shut as his nose playfully nudged yours before he leaned his forehead against yours. "Fact is-” he tilted your head up and stole a soft kiss from your lips, “I’m yours. For as long as you want me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on Tumblr! @getwaytooinvolved


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